from mine to yours
Another relationship to only be seen whilst looking backwards.
It hurts now more than it did when I walked away. When you’re angry and hopeless, it’s easy to numb out reality. But as the days brighten and dim, hurt is forgiven and hope breaks through.
Praying it’s the same for you.
Image: New York Explorations – November 2018
Each year I want to hide in invisibility. There’s a bargain going on inside as I pick a path— If I stay, maybe I’ll feel loved and seen. But maybe my fears of insignificance will be realized.
Why is it such a struggle between desiring to be loved and allowing someone to show you love? There is such fear that they will forget or disappoint.
If I felt known, I would feel safe.
Prove me wrong. Be someone I can love for the rest of my life. Be someone who will love me for the rest of mine.
You’re the one I want. Prove me wrong.
Image: When we played Life – June 2019
When is something over? Sometimes there are signs. Sometimes there are hints. And sometimes there are hurts.
Are these growing pains? Or just breaking pains?
I want to love you forever, but can I love myself at the same time? Does loving you mean becoming the best or worst version of myself?
Image: Sunset in Asheville – August 2019
I love you. But I don’t want this pain. I’ll walk away and choose to love myself. If you choose that too, maybe you’ll find me again.
My mind and my heart were once friends, but now act as individuals. The heart being rebuked for feeling strongly and the mind trying to find purpose without its heartbeat.
Nothing captures my soul like writing lines honestly. Letter by letter it frees the voices inside me to speak their truths. And it lets me quiet their lies.
I have to write. It’s a love letter to my heart.
We’re about to enter a season of long days and phone call dates. Our love is about to be stripped down to its truth. The cuddles and kisses can no longer be our glue. Only connection and choice will keep us. I’m both excited and nervous to see if we will make it out of this still holding hands.
Image: Traveling with you while you work – November 2018
You came out of nowhere and I told myself we’d be great friends. We laughed and flirted, but I tried to play it safe. I told myself you didn’t want anything more.
But you kissed me. And I’m glad we weren’t on the same page.
Image: Note you left on my hand on our first date – 2018
We started out strong–both of us thinking this could be it–but time drew us back to our senses. Each day we would try to get back there, but it was never the same. That one lie set everything in a new light. It’s behind us now, but can’t be undone.
So instead of moving forward, we stepped back into friendship. Almost immediately we started to like each other more within those familiar bounds. You saw that as a sign and asked to restart. Though I had imagined I’d say yes when friends asked me before, your question was answered with another no.
I can’t be anything more.
Image: Our second date to Home Depot – 2018
You became everything I ever wanted, but I knew you’d resent me for it later. So we parted ways to find ourselves. But instead, you found someone else who would become everything you ever wanted… so she became me. And now you can be yourself with me again.
Image: Puzzles with you at my grandmothers – 2017