So many ways this could have gone.
This is good in the worst way.
Image: Exploring with him on our road trip back from NC – March 31, 2016
Never Prayed
I miss you every day. And time will never erase my love for you.
But you leaving was the answer to a prayer I never dared to pray.
Do not misunderstand me. I still could never ask God to do what He’s done, but I look back in my journal and read the questions I wrestled with and I am grateful He saw it as good to bring us away and provide answers to our souls. There are some answers we could never have given each other.
Image: Walking with him in Savannah, GA – March 31, 2016
I Don’t Miss You
All I could repeat was, “I miss him” over and over again, hoping it’d calm me down as I rocked myself out of hysterics. But the sadness didn’t relent and I was no less alone.
It was then I heard You whisper, “Do you really miss him?”
How expected and innocent it is to miss someone that has gone away. But as I pondered, the obvious answer left me and You brought truth to shed light on my feelings. What I felt was not innocent at all. It was destroying my joy and occupying my time. It wasn’t a simple emotion or even a feeling of loss, but rather lies manifesting in hidden places that — without His whisper — would have otherwise gone unsearched.
Be careful little heart that you are not deceived by lies that seek to kill and destroy. These lies say you’re not enough, people will always leave, and your desires aren’t relevant. They speak and I think, “I miss him” because he was my favorite distraction from the lies I can no longer avoid.
“Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, For in You do I trust; Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, For I lift up my soul to You.” – Psalm 143:8 NKJV
Image: Camping at Dupuis in Indiantown, FL – March 2016